Eviction in Monovision

Vertigo and brain zaps are forcing me to keep still and only open one eye at a time. Opening both results in everything looking almost double,, closer to super imposed images atop one another.
This in turn causes.my stomach to churn. The nausea would be the major complaint if not for the thunder clap sensation that goes off inside my head if turning or moving my too quickly. It’s the most awful feeling of electrical like shocks that create pins and needles throughout my head and down my as introduced by a loud, startling explosive sound like thunder.
I can’t help but jump when they happen. It leaves a strange ringing in both ears, as well.
And I haven’t described the other physical symptoms I’m experiencing like the whole body clammy swear, headache and anxiety.
It’s a disabling shit storm of effects caused by my not having access to the prescription formulation of medicine.
I can only receive the generic form of the drug.
It doesn’t work in my body. I should say the time release action part probably doesn’t work.
I was started on a high daily dosage of this drug in 1999. I always took the brand name version. But a generic was released and insurance companies believe it works exactly the same for everyone as the original formulation.
It doesn’t.
I’m empirical proof of that.
It has a very short half life as it is, bit I would have to increase my daily dosage by 50% to get through an entire 23 hours without these “discontinuation symptoms” beginning.
If left too long without the drug, I eventually have seizure like activity. I go through these painful muscle contortions that I can’t control. I wet myself and I hear things that I know are not really there. It still effects me, though.
The problem is that taking 450mg of this stuff is not safe over time. It causes problems with increased blood pressure. I’ve been taking a daily 300mg for the past 18 years.
That’s a long freaking time. I have been advised by every doctor I’ve asked that I should accept that I will need to remain on this drug for the remainder of my life. It has changed my brain in some fundamental way that it isn’t likely to recover from.
That really sucks, too.
But, I’m alive. I can thank the drug for that at some point in my time taking it.
Though right now I’m not seeing this as a good thing.
I hit the outdoors Tuesday, April 3rd if something miraculous doesn’t intervene before that day.
So, I’m reeling in this additional obstacle to overcome. I’m afraid to wonder what else the universe could possibly throw my way to make.me just say “uncle” and throw myself off one of these cool bridges in Portland.
I’m thinking St. John’s is the prettiest. Bit I am kind of fond of the Steel Brodgem
Very annoyingly macabre.
So, not fun.

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