Being Influenced by Someone Else’s Emotions

I think it’s fa3734f3ddd49651909ee177b15d4d4262ir to say that people, for the most part, when addressing a topic that they are invested in with considerable emotion, tend to oversimplify, polarize and in some cases, do everything in their power to make their point an emotional investment for those they are engaging with, as well.

And, because I think it matters, when people are arguing or just discussing things that are associated with strong emotion, it isn’t necessarily the same emotion they appeal to if when seeming to intend evoking a reaction from someone else.

The person who has anger attached to a subject could be appealing to someone else’s feelings of fear, for example. Emotion isn’t rational. Hence, it can’t make rational decisions. It is, however, amazingly effective in triggering emotion in other people, and much to other people’s dismay and surprise, at times. When someone is arguing with you or even just taking a very forceful position that seems polarized, it’s not a bad idea to determine if the person is attaching an emotion and which emotion is at play. The reason for doing this is to prepare yourself and brace against being pulled away from your own attempts to remain rational and reasonable by appeals to your emotion. Because it happens suddenly like a club over the head. This can be circumvented when you assume the risk is present and watch for it with every statement the other person makes.


Put Some Clothes On

Nothing says rational, nothing says mature, adult behavior, nothing says integrity, nothing says cohesive principles and nothing says unambiguity like 100 adult women representating their message of respect for all women and “nature” naked to a major national political media event.

Because objectifying women’s bodies is completely reasonable when done by those who use their bodies to garner attention they could not otherwise influence through less “empowered” avenues.

Because it is perfectly undetstandable that nudity is acceptable when women choose to manipulate their environment to pay them heed no matter what anyone thinks or how it may offend or confound the public.

These women and those supporting their antics are a laughing stock, confirming yet again the irrational, immature impetuous character disorder of feminist ideology.

You are an embarrassment to women and all adults. Evidently, not all women of adult age have the requisite mental maturity to be considered adults.
Which makes this stunt that much more disturbing if even possible.

Go put your clothes on and act your age. Or, at least make an effort. Any one can get naked. It doesn’t require much thought. Be really shocking and try using logical argument to persuade instead of weilding your sexual organs as weapons.

And while you’re up, find a dictionary and look up the word “hypocrisy”. That’s you.

On Life’s Terms

The concept of truth and law has forever appealed to some part of me that seeks an anchor. Truth and law, in my perspective, share this quality of immutability. Truth cares not at all what anyone’s opinion of it is, nor does it care if it is denied outright or perverted. It remains impervious to influence or time. It stands unchanged.

Something I say  often is that true laws are not broken. We don’t break the law. We break ourselves against a law.

This can comforting idea has carried me across more than one tide of a raging sea of human created storms of emotional insanity. My own, but more so those of others. Women in particular seem implausibly unaware or uninterested in the very real fact that our emotionally charged behaviors have an impact on the people and circumstances in their environment. Usually, the fallout has negative effects that go both unacknowledged and unaccounted for.

Partially so..accountability falls instead to someone else who must shoulder the aftermath of another person’s emotional life.

I am not suggesting that this tendency towards emoting is bad in and of itself. What is bad is the associated tendency to both deny this fact and to not be responsible for how it impacts others.

Men give women great feedback all the time that is wasted on denials and resentments that could instead be used to expand understanding, practice self control and generally, be happier.

I have been working construction jobs that have really pushed me physically and mentally. I’m finally returning to my pre-illness weight and muscle tone but it’s more taxing than it was a few years ago.

This is because of one of life’s truths: as time progresses, our bodies change as we pass through the seasons that will eventually become our demise. Living things get old and die. By the grace of God, that is if not cut down sooner by accident, injury or illness.


Simple truth. Not pleasant, yet undeniable.

Because of my work, I engage with both younger men and those about my age every day. I take this opportunity to talk about relationships to women and what’s going on in their lives. Many are single dads.

One of my signature lectures is about choosing t




What You Think is None of My Business

“How can we know what other people think about us?”
I gave an answer to this question asked on Quora.

TL;DR: If I focus on actionable behaviors that reflect my values, what other people think about me is really none of my business unless I need to correct something about what I am doing.

A friend gave me wise council about a problem I had about what other people thought about me. In this instance, my specific problem was in the context of my new position with a software company in role that required working with people who, frankly, were my superior in every way with regards to programming, industry knowledge and architectural mastery. I was intimidated and afraid of failing.

I had almost convinced myself that I would probably be summarily dismissed and thought incompetent by virtue of simply not having the  ‘pedigree’  the people working in this engineering group had. As hires go, I was atypical to the group as far as demographics.

So, struggling against my own doubt and insecurity, I sought the advice of my friend and he asked me to think about the following and then apply what it informed me as to this concern of mine.

His advice was something like this:

There are, if you will, four kinds of people that you will meet.

People who will like you for the wrong reasons;People who will like you for the right reasons;
People who will dislike you for the wrong reasons; andPeople who will dislike you for the right reasons.

Of these groups, there is only one that you should be rightly concerned about what they think of you.

What the other groups of people think are either beyond the scope of your influence or otherwise not any of your business.

People who like you, like you for reasons, right or wrong, but because they have determined to like you, what they think about you takes care of itself.

People who dislike you for reasons that are wrong (i.e. arbitrary, irrational, prejudicial)  do not share similar values with you, and therefore whatever they think about you will always be colored by those values and thus, will not have any worth in your knowing what they are. In other words, knowing what they think doesn’t add any value to your benefit.

However, the last group of people, those that dislike you for the right reasons, are those whose thinking should legitimately concern you.

Because of all of these people, those that dislike you for reasons that you believe are justified are the only people who provide you the opportunity to recognize and change what it is you actually should change.

What anyone thinks about us, in general, is only our business when we are invited to know because they are shared with us directly, or we become a stakeholder in someone else’s thoughts about us as a result of our being accountable to what is valued.

For what it’s worth, I did learn something that I would apply to the concerns I had.
In effect, it established the general attitude I take to new work projects and people.

This includes foremost a respect for the role each person contributes, the humility to recognize what I do and do not know and the courage to admit and correct my own limitations and errors.

How this translates personally from my own values is most evident as principles I apply about the value of a person’s time and one that considers how my decisions affect those working downstream of what I am doing.

I also learned from working with brilliant and expertly skilled people, that often the best contribution I will make is making it incumbent upon myself to be cognizant of not impeding other’s progress by inefficient use of time or being a source of obstacles in other people’s path.

No one should have to trip over what I am doing in order get shit done. I think this was why my colleagues at the new job liked me, despite whatever they thought about my proletarian education, MENSA member status, or taste in shoes.

And, this is, pretty much, the best I can hope to achieve with regards to what others may think.

Focus on addressing operant behaviors with regards to how I engage with others and if it’s any of my business, consider the subjective things (like personal opinions, constructs and preferences) if it adds value.

Feminist Entitlement to Male Spaces

Why are feminist women so fucking pathetic? –

JB doesn’t spare any words when she calls out the women crying foul for being excluded from a male-only space.

The bottom line is all about control. Women who make the hypocritical, fallacious arguments such as those made by Laura Bates are operating from a belief that they are entitled to be involved with whatever men are doing anywhere it’s being done to either show how “equal” they are or to monitor the activity for behavior that isn’t feminist-approved.

And every single time a golf club or an institution panders to these demands and gives over their spaces to intruding feminist bullies, they weaken the fabric of our society.

Please, please stop giving in to these demands. We recognize you may be attempting to compromise in good faith, but you are admitting lunacy, not rational adults, into your space.
They intend to dismantle all that was built, ridicule all tradition, demonize it, even.

You will be left standing emasculated wondering what happened to your balls. Well, when you open the waters to piranhas and sharks, expect to lose a few pounds of flesh.

These women have a taste for devouring what defines you.
You would be well warned to fight them as if you were defending your life..because, ultimately, you are.

I, too, will enthusiastically volunteer to stand outside and defend your space against these mutants.

Just say the word.

Hit Me in the Nose, See How it Goes

I want to make a few comments in response to JBs post, and the first is the general disagreement I have that physical assault is a deserved response for the contexts given.

But, before going into the rationale, I want to make clear that I agree 1000% that women are responsible in almost every case (excepting when in the grip of a pathologically violent or substance disordered person) of provocation when a man resorts to violence.

Even for women that are conscious of their susceptibility to defend and attack by verbal and/or emotional manipulation, when under enough strain, all people, no matter the sex, will fall back into a default mode that is familiar to them. This tends to be what we observed and internalized while developing from child to adult in the family of origin. We do, in times of stress. what we know , and it is what’s most familiar the overwhelmed mind will switch on cruise control.

As a personal example, last week I wanted to spend more time with the man I’ve been dating after we had already had dinner and spent a few hours having fun in the city.

He drove me home to drop me off but I was disappointed. Instead of recognizing that my disappointment was something that would resolve itself as soon as I stopped feeding it, I chose that opportunity to attempt manipulating my friend into spending more time with me by attempting to appeal to his emotions.

To his credit, he didn’t bite and went home. The next day I apologized for my inconsideration. It was a work night. He had to get up at 5 or 6 the next morning. He had already made a heroic gesture by asking me out after having spent the day working construction in the hot sun. I’m sure he was tired. His feet probably hurt. But, he likes me enough to think spending that time with me is worth the sacrifice.

And I was selfish and wanted my way. And I KNOW BETTER..but, I was under another kind of pressure and when stressed, I can return to a state that knows but doesn’t care. No one is perfect about any part of this relationship dynamic we each have with rest of the world.

When it comes up in my own life, the best I can do is recognize what I’m doing and take responsibility for it. I’m probably never going to be ‘cured’ of my human ‘underbelly’ but I can manage it.

And, then, of course there exists those creatures  that take pleasure and great pride in their ability to create as much turbulence and drama possible. With women, it is invariably with the words they choose.

There are women, like my mother, who will provoke a man every way possible, even striking him first or mocking him openly and publicly, in order to ensure herself a chance to milk the rewards of victim hood once he responds physically. She’ll accuse him of doing so if he doesn’t physically respond that is how much she desires control. I’ll stop short of mentioning the contrived sexual thrill seeking this provocation serves, but its safe to assume this is as probable as it is inflammatory.

But does anyone, even a provocateur such as this, deserve to be physically harmed? I think that answer is “no”. I agree it would be valid to feel enraged enough to do it, but it is not useful and is basically feeding the troll, as it were. Baiting someone into losing their composure so as to respond with a physical assault is clearly a victory for the one who is baiting. It brings the other person down to the level of making decisions based solely on how they feel. Emotionally charged behavior is not usually the best choice of those we can make. Rage is especially dangerous because our ability to reason while actively enraged is physiologically impaired if not disabled, altogether, for a period of time.

The only defensible and deserved cause of a physical assault is one that is made because it is the most effective means of protecting one’s self from imminent harm or when protecting another person from imminent harm when a better alternative isn’t available.

Even the use of corporal punishment as it applies to children, is meaningless when done by an enraged adult. Why? Because the adult is reduced to behaving in the same emotional realm as a child.

It feels good to imagine it, but, again, there is that pesky feeling concept, again. Feelings are not facts. They aren’t accurate maps of reality. They indicate what direction the winds of emotion are blowing and the direction the ship may be heading if left with no one at the helm to steer her.

Goodbye, USA. Nice Knowing You.

Good job, feminists.

Welcome to the beginning of our end.

The House Armed Services Committee voted Wednesday to include the provision requiring women to register in the 2017 Defense Bill. Congress is not expected to finalize the bill until this fall.
Although I do understand that it is indeed more fair that an involuntary draft be shared by both genders, I also know that it would have not been necessary if not for the women that insisted and continue to insist that women should be men. That women are, in fact, better at being men, than men.
Well, now that they’ve convinced the government I predict it will not go well the very first time women are required to show up after receiving their draft notice.
Either they will pitch a hissy fit and demand a reprieve, or they will go to war and everyone dies. Everyone they are encumbering on the front lines, that is.
This is just a quick rant. I’ll have to dive deeper in the next post.
God, we might be doomed. Thank a feminist.

We Make Our Bed to Lie In


Here, we don’t think it would happen to us.
We think we are immune from the savagery
of human desperation, human hate, human inhumanity.
How we even define these words: desperation, hate, inhumanity reflect our biased beliefs. These definitions contain nothing of what we have no experience. Not here.

So it is no wonder that we aren’t concerned about what we’re doing to our men. Beginning with our young sons, we have swallowed our good sense. We may one day choke on realizing that we didn’t fail our sons. No, we didn’t fail our brothers and our men. We failed everyone.

We failed our forebears and we failed future generations of people living free from tyranny, free from enslavement to others.

We will fail humanity if we do not acknowledge and end our campaign that may very well become our march to death.

When the very worst happens, when the borders are breeched, when the doors are broken down and the monstrosity of war invites itself to your family’s dinner table, you will understand.
Finally, you will understand that what we need, what all women need, is to live among men that are willing and eager to defend their people. If your children are yet grown, you will understand that what we need, what all of us need, are men that aren’t ‘nice’. We don’t need men that are sensitive, considerate of your needs or cooperative with our demands.
We never needed this.
When the world around goes dark with war, we will need what we have rejected and despised.
When my world is threatened, my home under siege, I want a killer. I want a bad man, a man that is vicious, violent and has blood lust to protect and defend his people, his family, his honor. We should have been raising our sons with both appreciation and respect for their natural aggressions and tendencies to fight. We should have been raising our daughters to keep their egos in under control and to be accountable for their relationships.

We needed to feed the egos of our men, not deprive and starve them by throwing a scrap when we could be bothered to care. We should have never believed the lies.
Instead, we raised our sons to play nice. We raised our sons to be mothers of the children we abandoned to pursue our selfish desires and petty wants. We don’t know what we want. We never considered the possibility that maybe we don’t always think rationally. We never considered for a moment that perhaps the problems we see are problems we created.

No, instead: We medicated our sons. We reduced them to commodities, disposable labor, cheap sex.
They become men that will turn and run away when the enemy is at the door. They still run faster than us, you know. We tried to bring them down to our size, to equalize the differences, and we succeeded in making them equally useless to defend us. The weak, the vulnerable, the very young and the very old have no one to champion them in the face of disaster.

This is our fault. This is the fault of women.
We said we can do anything a man can do. Some even insisted that we can do it better.
We swallowed that lie and we have poisoned the well that would have saved us.

Fit to Work











It’s been four full months since the surgery. After years of worsening and weakening decline, today, I know the surgery fixed what was crippling me.
I’m out back, behind the house, down its’ steep slope it sets on, cutting back bramble and vines that are choking out the trees. It’s not dainty work but I haven’t even broken a sweat after climbing and chopping and rolling brush down the hill.
I haven’t been this physically strong in a very long time.
So, I’m feeling pretty grateful and a little bit like I’m a bad ass rocking the dirt, again.
It doesn’t hurt that it’s a gorgeous day here in North Portland.
Tonight, it’s a concert. I was invited to see @2CELLOS
And if you never heard or seen these two Croatian guys on the webs, you should check it out.

I like being out of my head like this.

We Have Seen the Enemy



As always, JudgyBitch has written on a thought provoking topic. And, per usual, I had to take what was supposed to be simple comment and transfer it, here, when it became too wordy. (And, admittedly, it’s probably too wordy as a final blog post, but, I fight that battle incrementally.)

This time the subject includes the phenomenon of women sabotaging other women. Her article focuses primarily on the premise that women heartily support other women that are overweight because this gives them a competitive edge. By creating the belief that being fat is acceptable, the theory goes, those women that are overweight or would lean towards becoming so, will, thereby, reducing their ability to compete in the ‘sexual market place’.

From JudgyBitch’s article:

It always comes down to sexual economics with women, and especially with feminists. Feminism is collective bargaining for women to keep the price of women high. Women used to keep their own prices high when they controlled access to sex, but the sexual revolution destroyed that quite nicely, leaving women bereft of power. Now women are in full out, cut throat competition with one another, while pretending to be part of a sisterhood of love and acceptance.

That’s an interesting idea and one I’ve run across before. It just doesn’t make sense to me because anyone with the ability to read and think understands that obesity is not in any person’s best interest and to think otherwise is simply not rational. But, I can see how women comforting and encouraging other women who are unhappy with their weight could be interpreted as having ulterior motives. It depends on what the message is that they are giving.

That women are vicious to one another, there is no argument. The motive I am not entirely certain is a binary one.

It’s clever. It’s also cruel. No one hates other women quite like women do. And no one hates other women more than a feminist.

I don’t know. Sometimes, I think I dislike women more than the average xx hater and I definitely reserve special disdain for those women that use the system to skirt accountability (today’s feminist). I know exactly what she is referring to and having experienced it first from my feminist 2.0 mother, my response wasn’t to conform to the same behavior but to avoid relationships with women altogether when it wasn’t impossible to do so. And I am unapologetic to that end.

This doesn’t mean that I am inherently any different from other women, because I’m not. What is different is having had the ability and incentive to recognize the reality that exists which contain the ingredients that make poor behavior readily possible and subsequently disciplining oneself to not engage in acting that way. And, I don’t care who you are, I doubt any woman will ever be perfectly successful in this effort.

It is exactly the same for men. They manage their own traits that make them prone to behaviors that they correct for. Whereas theirs may involve physical acts of aggression, ours are centered more around conflating emotional responses to being the same as rational consideration. We tend to first assume whatever we are feeling is true or speaks to something being true. That is simply incorrect and causes all kinds of problems in the world of relationships, parenting, politics and personal efficacy.

So, while it is true that women are susceptible to a host of biologically influenced and socially reinforced behaviors, it is also true that women have the ability to identify the source and manage as any adult would be accountable to do.

But, our society sends strong messages countering this belief and rewards women for acting without integrity. In fact, women are rarely exposed to lessons that teach and reinforce concepts of integrity, duty, honor or valor. We do experience themes of sacrifice, cooperation, friendliness, and compassion. This is just referring to the general societal framework everyone develops within from birth to adulthood. What we receive individually is an entirely random ball of wax.

Speaking to my personal experience with this propensity of many women towards overt and covert hostility, it hasn’t always been possible to altogether, avoid . And in those circumstances involving employment, in-laws, etc., if I wasn’t outright steamrolled, each and every instance required managing for either the aggressors or the covert tactics of the type that includes what is described, in the article, that being the most benign manifestation. I’ve rarely been completely successful

It’s been dialing down as I get older, but I haven’t turned the corner quite yet, so still catch the occasional backhanded compliment or bullshit comment.

Now, I get to walk my 21 and 25 year old daughters through it when they sense something ‘amiss’ with another woman in their lives, whether she is a friend, co-worker or social acquaintance.

Unlike me, both my girls have been outgoing. One is a perpetrator but is still figuring this out and the other has recognized that she wants no part of it. She’s exceptionally physically attractive and attracts immediate female hostility that she doesn’t fully understand, yet, as something that she cannot prevent from occurring, no matter what she does. That’s simply the way it goes. She gets the societal benefits of being attractive, and likewise, bears the costs.
So, I am only able to offer her some words of wisdom such as not expecting reason to work when trying to solve problems created by irrationally driven behavior. And, on the flip side, not to go to the hardware store expecting to buy bread. Their social needs that require a buddy to do female interest things belong in a relationship with a woman, not a husband or boyfriend.

My general disinterest in having female friends is not what would work for my daughters, and that is probably more a function of having had a failed role model who acted egregious enough to cause me to reject the role completely and my individual deficits in social intelligence because of my not being inclined towards socializing any more than I have been obliged to.

As an individual, I happen to have personality traits that aren’t very dependent on socializing. I’m reserved, pragmatic and I spend my time in my head no matter what I’m doing. So, when I need a “girlfriend” type of support, I hire a therapist. I’ve also never been chatty and similarly, I tend not to enjoy being engaged too long with chatty people. Women, in general, talk more than men do, in my opinion. My relative silence creates immediate awkwardness with women that, again, I am not apologetic about.

So, as far as my daughters are concerned, the goal is making sure they can discern who to befriend and then to practice sharing girlfriend things with their girlfriends and to vigilantly resist the temptation to make the men in their lives substitute girlfriends.

When women insist that men serve as the source of what we would expect from other women, those same women wind up wondering why they aren’t attracted to their man, anymore, after they’ve, in effect, emasculated him. So, I don’t want my girls to have that kind of crazy interfering with their having successful relationships with the men they will probably one day marry. (If the feminist social politics don’t fuck that possibility up altogether beforehand, that is.)

But, the bottom line is I got the same potential crazy making juju. To illustrate, my writing is probably so verbose to compensate for how terse I am when speaking. All that talking I’m not doing has to be counterbalanced, somehow. I am a woman, after all, and some things are just the nature of the beast.